Grading the Grades

The days leading up to the Season 12 draft saw a flurry of mock drafts be posted. Some had thoughtful analysis, some were complete shitposts, and there really wasn't much in between. Let's review each draft together and rank them by their quality.

Cash's First Ever Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

Oh, Cash. You ambitious little soufflé of a man. You locked yourself away in that dusty analytics dungeon, convinced—convinced!—you were cooking up something brilliant. All those spreadsheets, those scouting reports, the whispered stats of high school phenoms...

And for what?! A mock draft so poorly executed, it makes raw chicken look like a delicacy! Well-researched? Maybe. But this wasn’t filet mignon, Cash. It was gas station sushi at best. Sloppy. Cold. And liable to make people sick.

And don’t even get me started on Reynaldo López. The man is—how shall I put this delicately?—stinky poo poo. Yes, I said it. Loud and proud. Like someone added spoiled anchovies to a crème brûlée and called it “avant-garde.” I’ve tasted mistakes before, but López? He’s the whole rotten buffet.

Let this be a lesson to you all. Research without execution is just noise. And Reynaldo López... is still stinky.

Grade: D

Foxx Lets the Wheel Decide Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

Foxx’s mock draft is the cinematic equivalent of a mumblecore film with no script—aimless, spineless, and somehow still convinced it’s saying something profound. It lacked any semblance of a strong voice, meandering through picks like a director afraid to commit to a genre.

And then, as if to spit directly into the lens of sanity, we get Eugenio Suárez – rated a 2 at third base selected in the first round. A 2! That’s not just wrong—it’s cursed. It’s like giving Tommy Wiseau an Oscar for Best Editing. This draft isn’t just bad; it’s a betrayal of the medium.

Grade: 7/10 for some modicum of effort

Sandy's Here I Suppose

Read the mock draft here.

Sandy’s mock draft, while clearly the product of some level of thought and research, was riddled with inaccuracies that undermine its credibility. It reads more like a speculative fan blog than a serious analytical projection. Team fits were questionable, player development arcs were either ignored or misread entirely, and positional needs across the board were treated as afterthoughts. For someone supposedly plugged into the scouting scene, Sandy seems more enamored with hype than actual tape.

And speaking of hype, let’s talk about Rhett Lowder. The idea that he warrants a first-round pick is baffling. Yes, he’s polished, but there’s a massive difference between being mechanically sound and being dominant. His velocity is middling, his secondary stuff lacks bite against higher-tier hitters, and when you project him out, he’s more “back-end innings eater” than franchise cornerstone. Yet Sandy has him slotted ahead of legitimate power arms with upside. It’s not just a reach — it’s a misjudgment of value that speaks volumes about how easily name recognition can cloud real evaluation.

Grade: 45%

Kalin's Season 12 Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

Ah, Kalin. Always the copycat, never the trailblazer. Just when we thought we’d seen it all with Sandy’s wildly inaccurate mock draft, Kalin swooped in with a version that was basically Sandy’s—only with more buzzwords and slightly different fonts.

And of course, both drafts clung to the same baffling hill to die on: Rhett Lowder in the first round. Rhett Lowder! The most over-hyped pitcher since someone called a high school reliever "the next Kershaw." But hey, in a world where hype beats homework, sometimes all it takes to land in round one is a decent mustache and a few fastballs in the low 90s.

Grade: 4.5/10

Will's Measured Evaluation of Metrics and Execution Draft

Read the mock draft here.

Will’s mock draft is nothing short of a masterclass in baseball analysis. It’s sharp, deeply informed, and effortlessly bridges the gap between advanced metrics and on-the-ground scouting insight. Every pick feels intentional — not just in terms of team fit, but in how player development, organizational trends, and draft philosophy intersect.

Will doesn't chase hype or fall for lazy comps; instead, he constructs a clear, compelling narrative around each selection, making even the most casual reader feel like they’re sitting in a war room. It's the rare kind of mock that doesn't just predict the draft — it elevates the conversation around it.

Grade: S Tier

Lyle's Totally Serious, Very Realistic Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

Lyle’s mock draft, while undeniably solid from an analytical standpoint, reads more like a spreadsheet than a story. The numbers are airtight, the logic is sound, and the projections are impressively well-sourced — but there’s no spark, no sense of narrative or personality that brings the piece to life.

To Lyle’s credit, there is a glimmer of boldness tucked into the data-driven rigor — most notably in the inclusion of Osvaldo Bido as a first-round selection. That’s a move that could’ve easily been dismissed as a reach, but here, it’s framed with enough contextual nuance and developmental projection to make it feel entirely reasonable. It’s one of the few moments where the draft breathes a bit, hinting at the personality and insight Lyle clearly has but seems hesitant to show.

Grade: B

Will's Second Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

In a world where expectations were sky-high… one man dared to try again. Will’s first mock draft? A triumph — sharp, savvy, unforgettable. But the sequel? A disaster. Stripped of its charm, bloated with overcorrections, and riddled with head-scratching picks, Will’s second attempt stumbles where the original soared. The bold instincts? Gone. The clean analysis? Lost in a fog of second-guessing. Some drafts are born great… others should’ve stayed on the cutting room floor.

Cody Bradford in the first round? Please take this seriously next time.

Grade: Unsatisfactory

Foxx's Foxxy Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

Foxx’s second mock draft is a curious dish — not quite as flavorful as the first serving, but still intriguing enough to keep the palate engaged. The vibrant energy and bold seasoning of the original have been dialed back in favor of a more restrained, methodical approach. And while some of that initial spark is missed, there's an undercurrent of thoughtful experimentation that suggests real growth in the kitchen.

Most notably, the decision to serve up Matt Wallner as a first-round pick — a bold, unconventional choice — turned out to be unexpectedly satisfying. It may not have dazzled like the debut, but this follow-up shows promise, and I’m eager for the next course.

Grade: Sizzle

Sandy's Late Night Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

Sandy’s extended mock draft is, frankly, a shameless patchwork of better ideas lifted from sharper minds. Every pick feels like déjà vu, every insight reeks of regurgitation. It’s as if Sandy skimmed the best mock drafts on the internet, cherry-picked the highlights, and tossed them into a blender without bothering to smooth out the seams.

The analysis is derivative, the formatting lazy, and the occasional attempts at originality land with all the grace of a botched squeeze play. And yet — somehow — it works. The draft moves logically, the choices mostly make sense, and despite its blatant lack of authorship, it still delivers a coherent, readable product. A frustrating read, but undeniably functional.

Grade: Pass

Reed's New Info New Mock Draft

Read the mock draft here.

In the shadowy underworld of draft day intrigue, Reed’s second mock draft seduces with a dangerous blend of precision and daring. Each pick is a calculated move—teasing, unpredictable, and charged with a tantalizing tension that keeps you hooked. It whispers promises of breakout stars and dark horses, daring you to question every choice. There’s a heat beneath the surface, a boldness that edges on reckless, making it impossible to look away.

Reed plays the game with a knowing smile, pulling you deeper into a web where every selection could be a secret weapon—or a fatal mistake. This isn’t just a mock draft; it’s a high-stakes dance of desire and deception.

Grade: Nice

Editor's Note

Just a heads-up — Cal was reportedly quite hungry while working on this analysis. While his passion and insights remain sharp, we can’t rule out the possibility that a growling stomach may have colored his perspective just a bit. Consider this a reminder that even the best minds sometimes need a snack break for truly balanced judgment.